M*A*S*H*

“File this garbage under garbage!” Col. Henry Blake in M*A*S*H*

We had a full condo over the weekend, as 6 Michiganders and Beth from Indy arrived to witness James in the Portage production of “M*A*S*H*” and Becca in the Chesterton musical “Little Shop of Horrors.”  Not a regular M*A*S*H* viewer during its 11-year TV run, nor a fan of Allen Alda, who played Hawkeye Pierce, I preferred Donald Sutherland, who had the role in Robert Altman’s more hard-hitting 1970 film.  Nonetheless, I was part of the record audience that tuned in the 1983 CBS two-hour finale.  Dealing humorously with a fictional Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in Korea during America’s “police action” nearly 70 years ago, the play contained characters familiar from the series, such as “Hot Lips” Houlihan and “Radar” O’Reilly, but not the cross-dressing Maxwell Q. Klinger.  James was Colonel Henry Blake, McLean Stevenson in the TV series.  When Stevenson left after the 1975 season, the producers killed him off in a plane crash as he was returning stateside.  Last year in “E.R.,” the character James played suffered a fatal heart attack on stage, but James as Colonel Blake made it to the play’s end.  At the Friday opening, however, while the stage was dark, unbeknownst to the audience, James fell six feet into the orchestra pit.  Amazingly, he landed on his feet with no apparent ill effects. I shudder every time I think about it. A half-century ago, IUN prof Les Singer broke a leg in a similar mishap.

 James on right and M*A*S*H* cast

On stage James was an absolute joy to behold, booming out dialogue with facial expressions registering various states of annoyance, anger, impatience, and sarcasm.  The large cast included a humorous trio of USO entertainers (Mitzi, Fritzi and Agnes Bonwit) and several Korean villagers. Ho-John was played by Korean-American Braxton Craigin, who plans on joining the marine corps and becoming an aviation engineer.  His best line: “In America, when you are hungry, you eat something called the French fry and the overheated dog.”   Two talented African Americans had significant parts, Rondale Hendricks, who played “Spearchucker” Jones and Daniel GoShay as Captain John ‘Ugly” Black, who made out onstage with one of the nurses.  I liked when the cook played guitar and sang the M*A*SH* theme song “Suicide Is Painless.”

Sitting behind us were the aunt, grandmother, and great-grandmother of Jordan Johnson, who was perfect as bumbling Private Lorenzo Boone, Colonel Blake’s go-fer.  The program revealed that this was the junior’s first theatrical experience and that Jordan is outgoing and writes poetry.  James wrote that he loves playing Henry (“but don’t call me Henry” – an oft repeated line in response to wiseacre Hawkeye) and enjoys cracking puns.  I laughed out loud when he uttered the line: “File this garbage under garbage!”  Also in the program was a tribute to Bill Bodnar, who recently passed away, and information on how to contribute to a scholarship in his name. The announcement began:

For 38 years, Bill Bodnar touched the hearts and souls of thousands of Portage students as he directed over 100 plays, variety shows, and Air Band contests.  His love of theater and his students was evident in his work.

Both Phil and Dave were big admirers and participated in his productions.  In an Air Band contest Dave and friends appeared as the Sex Pistols (the name was censored from appearing in the program) and were eliminated because Dave Joseph ran out onto the apron of the stage. Mr. Bodnar confided to David afterwards that his group won the balloting by a landslide despite having been disqualified.

 Becca in Little Shop of Horrors

Because Becca had the role of killer plant Audrey II in “Little Shop of Horrors,” we only saw her face in the opening and final scenes.  Like a trooper, she belted out her musical numbers despite having battled a cold all week.  Toni and I took Alissa to a production at IUN when she was 5, and she called it the “Little Shop of Horribles” after everyone got eaten.  A biker dentist who abused his girlfriend was the first victim, to the audience’s satisfaction, but then Audrey II got more bloodthirsty. After watching the movie, we had kept assuring Alissa that the main characters would not suffer such a fate only to be proved wrong.  She wouldn’t talk to us during the entire car ride home. We joked about it, but she didn’t find it humorous at the time.  On Facebook Angie’s dad John Teague wrote: “Almost ran away to Hollywood as a teenager to be an actor! It runs in our blood to be on stage, I'm glad to see my grandchildren fulfilling my dream!”

Toni made huge pots of chili and sausage vegetable soup, and we alternated cooking breakfast for our houseguests.  I got in several games of euchre with Phil, Dave, and Josh, while the women played bananagram, a take-off on Scrabble.  Alissa and Josh discussed their plans to visit Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon over Thanksgiving.  Most everyone else will be returning in a few days for a turkey dinner.  Tori has been accepted at several Michigan colleges plus the University of Hawaii, one of my alma maters.  Intriguing, although she’s leaning towards Grand Valley State, where Anthony goes and Alissa works.  Miranda asked what I thought of all of us living in a mansion in Grand Rapids.  I joked that my next residence will be an assisted living facility and, more seriously, that it would be difficult to move away from IUN.  I hope to get in 50 years and outlast English profs Alan Barr and George Bodmer.

While sleeping on an air mattress downstairs, Josh came across “Dinner with DiMaggio” (2016) by Dr. Rock Positano.  The “Yankee Clipper” still holds the record for hitting safely in 56 straight games. Because he retired in 1951, I have no recollection of ‘Joltin’ Joe” as a player except in documentaries, such as in Ken Burns’ series on baseball.  More vivid is his pitching Mr. Coffee on TV and publicity surrounding his brief marriage to Marilyn Monroe.  When divorced from showgirl Dorothy Arnold, Joe received a summons from Archbishop Fulton Sheen, who admonished him not to wed the blond movie star. Joe stormed out of the room and essentially told the cleric to go to hell.  DiMaggio’s hero was Lou Gehrig (1903-1941), the “Iron Horse,” a clutch hitter and team player who nurtured him when he was a rookie and appeared, often hurt, in 2,130 straight games over a 14-year span. Joe told Positano that when Gehrig revealed to him in private that he was too ill to keep playing the game he loved, the two of them shed tears together.

 Yankee Clipper

Though the author idolized Joe DiMaggio (1914-1999), he comes off as a conceited pain in the ass, especially to waiters, tailors, and other underlings whose service didn’t meet his exacting standards.  He was also a mooch; as the author delicately put it, if a restauranteur sent anyone to his table and then expected him to pay, he never returned.  On several occasions, Positano took DiMaggio to an art gallery that displayed a sexy photo of Marilyn Monroe in the men’s room. Positano would alert the staff about impending visits, and they’d temporarily replace it with one of Salvador Dali.

DiMaggio remained bitter over losing three seasons to Uncle Sam during World War II.  Unlike his contemporary Ted Williams (the better hitter of the two), who was an ace air force pilot, DiMaggio had a sinecure as a physical education teacher and played in exhibitions to entertain troops.  Like Frank Sinatra, he associated with mob-connected club owners, but the press gave him a pass in deference to his exalted status.  In “Joe DiMaggio: The Hero’s Life” (2000) Richard Ben Cramer documented his vanity and obsession with maintaining an image of manly reserve.  Crotchety Clint Eastwood would be a perfect candidate to play an elderly DiMaggio. He became an odious Mr. Scrooge who skipped funerals of friends and basically wrote off a weakling son. If there was something in it for him, however, the “Dago,” as teammates called him, could turn on the charm. DiMaggio loved recounting when Yankee pitcher Lefty Gomez fielded a bunt with a runner on first and heard a coach yell, “Throw it to the Dago.”  Italians Tony Lazzeri and Frankie Crosetti were stationed at second and short, but Gomez hurled the ball to Joe out in centerfield.

Josh and Alissa are “Curb Your Enthusiasm” fans, so I mentioned my regret that Shelly Berman, Larry’s father in the series, passed away prior to the new season.  Berman was an acerbic stand-up comedian 60 years ago during an era when comedy record albums were big sellers.  “Inside Shelley Berman” (1959) was the first Grammy winner in the category of spoken comedy recording.  He’d pretend to be on the phone and accused Bob Newhart of stealing his routine.  Newhart claimed the concept had a long tradition going back to George Jessel in the 1920s.  Bill Cosby and Redd Foxx put out albums that, especially in Foxx’s case, were raunchier than their routines on TV.  Others who had success with the genre included Jonathan Winters Woody Allen, Allen Sherman, Don Rickles, and George Carlin.

Since their game wasn’t until Sunday evening, I got to see the Eagles rout the hated Dallas Cowboys, 37 to 9.  At one point Philadelphia scored 30 unanswered points. Because their place kicker got hurt, Philadelphia opted to go for 2-point conversions after TDs.  My Fantasy wide receiver Alshon Jeffrey scored one and later caught a TD pass to yield Jimbo Jammers 14 points.  I defeated Kira (“The Cougar”), 116-84, snapping her 8-game winning streak.

above, Staple Singers; below, Mavis and Bob Dylan

Blues great Mavis Staples revealed that longtime friend Bob Dylan had proposed during the 1960s.  We were courting and smooched and cuddled, she admitted.  In 2002 the two recorded several duets, including “Slow Train Coming,” and last year did shows together.  She considered Prince, who produced two albums for her in the 1980s, her son and called David Bowie the “ultimate gentleman.”  In 2016 The Guardian’s Jude Rogers wrote:

Humility runs like a thread through Staples’ career. She was born in Chicago in 1939; her father, Roebuck, known as Pops, grew up on a Mississippi plantation, learning guitar from delta blues legend Charley Patton, before forming the family band. Mavis was called Bubbles by her mum on account of her cheeriness.  By 13, Mavis was out on the road, getting extra homework for missing school on Mondays (she’d be singing at churches on Sundays). It was wonderful, she insists. “It wasn’t like the Jackson 5 and poor Michael – I didn’t miss my youth. We’d rehearse at home and then I’d go out to jump rope if it was summertime. I didn’t miss my prom neither!”

 

A young songwriter complained to “Dear Amy” of being stressed out over her mother dying and her boyfriend vanishing.  Amy Dickinson replied: “Joni Mitchell has some things to say to you.”  “Reckless Daughter,” David Yaffe’s new biography of the Canadian folksinger, describes Mitchell as a survivor whose music radiates melancholy and a longing for meaning.  On the 1971 album “Blue,” the opening number, “All I Want,” begins:

I am on a lonely road and
I am traveling, traveling, traveling, traveling
Looking for something, what can it be

 LaVar Ball

How low can Trump stoop?  Chinese authorities detained three UCLA basketball players for shop-lifting, including LiAngelo Ball, son of outspoken promoter LaVar Ball. Afterwards, Trump claimed credit for helping them get released and tweeted that Ball was an ingrate for not expressing his appreciation.  According to Politico.com:

“Now that the three basketball players are out of China and saved from years in jail, LaVar Ball, the father of LiAngelo, is unaccepting of what I did for his son and that shoplifting is no big deal. I should have left them in jail!” the president wrote on Sunday in the first of two posts on the subject. “Shoplifting is a very big deal in China, as it should be (5-10 years in jail), but not to father LaVar. Should have gotten his son out during my next trip to China instead. China told them why they were released. Very ungrateful!”

Charlie Rose is the latest celebrity to be fired for past behavior demeaning women.  The avuncular host of CBS This Morning was the closest thing to our generation’s Walter Cronkite. I watched him regularly while eating breakfast.  Eight women told the Washington Post that he had made unwanted advances in the form of lewd phone calls, disrobing in front of them or groping their breasts.  Apologizing for the inappropriate behavior, Rose stated: “I always felt that I was pursuing shared feelings, even though I now realize I was mistaken.” One former producer admitted responding to complaints by saying, “Oh, that’s just Charlie being Charlie.”  Announcing the news, Norah O’Donnell and Gayle King looked stricken.  “I have to say, Norah, I really am still reeling,” King confessed, adding: “I got an hour and 42 minutes of sleep last night. Both my son and my daughter called me. Oprah called me and said, ‘Are you OK?’ I am not OK. I’ve enjoyed a friendship and a partnership with Charlie for the last five years. I have held him in such high regard and I’m really struggling because… what do you say when someone that you deeply care about has done something that is so horrible? How do you wrap your brain around that? I’m really grappling with that.”

Last week, it was George H.W. Bush’s turn for public shaming.  Six women, including one who was 16 at the time, accused him of grabbing them on the ass during photo ops. Bush spokesman Jim McGrath admitted that the former president “has patted women’s rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner.”

IUN Chancellor Lowe 

Chancellor Bill Lowe’s guest column in the Post-Tribune on the importance of completing a college education and titled “Preparing the region’s students for the Knowledge Economy” concluded on this personal note:

      While in college, I was very fortunate to have held hourly jobs with employers who not only valued my work but often evinced pride in having a college student work for them. From dishwasher to delivery driver, it was these roles that provided me with valuable working experience and career lessons from which I learned a great deal that contributed substantively to building my professional future.  My employers saw something in college attendance beyond the hourly work I performed. They recognized the larger social and economic good, for me, their communities and the country.

      So, I ask this of Northwest Indiana employers: Please encourage the college students who work for you to make progress toward completing their degrees. Provide them with the necessary accommodations so they can successfully balance the competing responsibilities of college, work and family. And, most important, show them you care not only about their individual futures but the future vitality of this region.  By doing so, employers will contribute to a "virtuous cycle" that pays off in a better-educated, more economically prosperous region, ripe for the challenges, and opportunities of the Knowledge Economy.